"Naming the Shadows: Addressing Bullying, Abuse, and Other Harms in Metamour Relationships" Slides

These are the slides for "Naming the Shadows: Addressing Bullying, Abuse, and Other Harms in Metamour Relationships" with Lee Harrington and Sam Savage.

Within consensual non-monogamous relationships a unique relationship exists - a partner’s other partner, aka “metamour.” Though the concepts of coercion, bullying, and emotional harm have the capacity to exist in a wide variety of relationships, this class will examine how they appear in unique or differently manifested ways within polyamorous (aka polyam) and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. These situations are often not noticed, not seen, or not believed by those directly involved in them, or by those experiencing the behaviors themselves due to these unique circumstances. We will examine a variety of relationship styles, maps, and frameworks, and how attendees have experienced these things in their own life as recipients or unconscious (or conscious) harm-doers. Finally, having named these shadows, we will gather and offer some resources for self awareness, education, restoration, and healing.

This discussion focuses on and centers the individuals who have experienced or witnessed some form of harm within their metamour relationships. Beneath the drive to focus on ‘compersion’ and the positive/rewarding aspects of metamour relationships can hide harmful patterns carried over from dominant cultures of monogamy, whether from family of origin or prior relationships. The social pressure to validate non-monogamy as a healthy alternative can create further silence and shame when this happens.

As these can be difficult or challenging topics, please plan ahead for your best forms of self-care during and after this discussion. Though sharing these experiences may be therapeutic for some attendees, this discussion is not offered or built as a group therapy session. If you are a mandated reporter within your state or have other concerns about what may be disclosed and what to do with it, please contact Sam or Lee in advance as to how to best navigate your attendance of this discussion.